Saturday, October 23, 2010

WEEK 9

Hugs, kisses and alcohol breath. Aunts, Uncles and dim-witted relatives. Dancing, flower throwing and money tree’s. Beautiful baby’s. Men in tuxedos and women in dresses. Excited children and sweaty adults. A mix of music and karaoke that night. Mother-son dance, and father-daughter one too. Lots of photos, smiles and tears.

Week 8

Her phone jingled a tune, one that was familiar. It was only a text message. She would check it after she finished painting this last corner of the red wall.
She checked her blackberry. It was brand new, so she didn’t have any contacts. Just a number would show up when someone was calling or sending a text. It read; Get here fast, Dad hung himself!
She went back to painting. It must have been a wrong number. She didn’t recognize it, and her Dad was too strong to ever even think about something like that. Maybe it was a joke, but who would play a joke like that? She re-checked her phone. She ran down stairs as fast as possible, and compared the number from the text message to her old phone and the numbers of her brother’s. It was from her oldest sibling. She tried to call back. No answer. It was real. She knew in her heart, it was real. She panicked. She walked fast around in circles for a few minutes, into the kitchen, back around to the living room, the dining room, and the bathroom until she finally snapped out of it. She wanted to drive as fast as she could to her father’s home, but she couldn’t. Her five year old was sleeping. She couldn’t leave him here, but she couldn’t take him either. This would scar him for the rest of his life.
She got control of herself for a moment and called her mother. She would know what to do. Her parents weren’t together anymore, she was re-married, but being married for 18 years they had remained friends and had never fought. They had just realized they were better friends than lovers.
The girl ran out the French doors to the backyard, trying to hide behind the tree in case the Riley awoke. She had slammed the door harder than she had liked, but she must not have awoken Riley, because he was nowhere to be seen. Someone answered. Not her Mom. She shakily asked for her mother. Everyone at the nursing home knew who she was. Her Mom was a well respected woman where she worked. She finally answered. The girl blurted out what had happened. She talked too fast. Her Mom didn’t understand. She tried to explain it again, but it finally sunk it. Her father was dead. It was HER father. He was dead. She told the story in hysterics. Her mother agreed to meet her at her fathers house as soon as she could find a replacement. She couldn’t leave the nursing home until then, even in an emergency. She was the charge nurse, so she would receive abandonment charges, and most likely get fired. Good law, it seemed so stupid at the moment. The girl hung up the phone.
 She still needed to find someone to watch her son. She called numbers, anyone that she could remember. Only the numbers she remembered off of the top of her head though, considering her new phone was number-less. She called until she finally reached her step sister. She would be down in a few minutes to get him. She was only up the road visiting her parents anyways. She still had “parents”, and the girl was jealous. She was jealous of anyone with a father. Her father was one of her best friends. One of the smartest people she knew. If she needed advice, help with homework, or wise words of wisdom she knew who to go to. That no longer existed though. What would she do?
At this time, her son peaked his head out the door. He had awoken from his nap. He instantly knew something was wrong. His Mom never acted this way. She was always happy-go-lucky. She rarely ever cried, and never acted nervous and or like anxiety had taken over.
He began to cry. “What’s wrong Mumma?”
The girl had to think quick. She couldn’t tell her son what had actually happened. He wouldn’t understand and it would make him hysterical and not want to be left with a sitter. He was only little, even if she did explain the real reasoning for her shear panic, he wouldn’t comprehend, and it would do more harm, than good.
“Oh honey, Mum is okay. She’s just having a rough day. You know how sometimes are sad and want to hang out with Mum all day instead of going to school? Well, Mum doesn’t want to go to class tonight either, she’s overwhelmed and would love to hang out with you all day, but she can‘t.”
She made a joke, hugged him tight, and laughed with him for a moment. He was all better. He believed the lie. A lie that she thought she would never have to tell. She had never lied to him before, and had drilled it into her son’s head that lying was a horrible thing, but she had just made up the biggest lie of her life.
A few moments later his step-aunt picked him up. He was fine, and pretty excited to see her, since it had been about a month.
The girl grabbed her cigarettes, a lighter, her new and old cell phone and the car keys. She was off to her fathers house. Fast too. She had decided if she got pulled over by a cop she would just keep going. There was no time for tickets or talking. She needed to get there as fast as her Bonneville would take her, and make a few phone calls along the way. Hopefully after getting there it would be a false alarm, but she had a gut feeling that it wasn’t.
When she arrived there was no parking spots in either driveway, so she parked on the lawn in between. State troopers, the local coroner and an ambulance was there. It was real, it wasn’t a joke, and since the ambulance was leaving without anyone in it, she knew that her Dad was dead. They must not have found him in time, like they had a year earlier with her brother. Her brother had tried to kill himself, but was cut down from his noose, revived and release him from the hospital a few weeks later. The only complications he had was some memory loss, which was never fully regained. This was not the case with her father. He had tried, and succeeded.
Her eldest brother looked blank. No expressions. No talking. He was in shock. He had just seen the most horrible thing in his life, and if her son had gone with his Uncle Shane, he would have seen the same. The girl’s mother and other brother had beaten her there. They must have driven fast too, or maybe the girl had taken longer than she had thought. Oh well, she was there now.
She wanted to go in. After knowing and seeing everything that she had, she still needed to see…to see if it was real. The state troopers refused her entry of the large white house.
They simply said, “He has been dead for at least a day, he doesn’t look good, and he doesn’t smell good. I don’t think it would give you any closure, just scar you even more, and we have to investigate before anyone enters.”
They gave their condolences, a half a hug and returned to her fathers house, leaving everyone to stand outside in the middle of the lawn, in front of a house she had lived most of her life. She understood what they were saying, but wanted to see him. She needed to know he was dead. She needed to know what happened. She needed to know why. She needed to know everything. She had hoped it was fake, that as soon as she walked into his house he would be sitting in his favorite chair reading a book, or working on a project. She knew it wasn’t possible, but had hoped that maybe the dead guy inside was someone else.
The family cranked out cigarette after cigarette as they waited for more people to show up. They hugged and cried for what seemed like hours until the state trooper finally showed his face. He came out with the note. No one had known there was a note. Shane had totally missed it, because as soon as he had seen his father he ran. He ran as fast as he could to the neighbors house to call 911, since his cell phone had no service. Or to two neighbors houses because the first had refused to let him in. The smell of marijuana had given him an idea of why. The note read; So depressed for so long, I’ve reached my limit. I love you all. Dad
Everyone was expecting a letter, not a short note like this. Not much was explained. After all of the commotion had calmed a bit, the body was taken away, and all of the authorities had left, the family investigated a little. Dug for any clue, any sign, anything. In the trash, almost to the bottom, with coffee grinds littering it, Shane had found two more notes. One had read; I love you all. Depression is so d…it was really shaky writing, which led them to believe he was really upset while trying to write. The other read; I love all of you. So sorry. The letters never helped, and nothing was ever found in the house to explain what had gone wrong. He had decided he wanted to take his life, and had done it…successfully. No closure. No hugs. No kisses. No advice. No goodbyes.
On her way home, the girl dialed her fathers number in hopes that he would answer…to tell him the news. After the answering service picked up, she realized the person who had helped her through so many tough times in her life no longer could. He wasn’t going to answer, and she couldn’t tell him of the most

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Week 7

Tee hee hee. I listen to them giggle. It gets on my nerves after a few minutes. Your fricken twelve. Or I assume your twelve, by the way your acting. Why are you wearing coochy shorts and low cut shirts? Black bra, with a white tank top? Hello! You don’t even have any boobs. Have some respect for yourselves.

I cringe as I think of my daughter in middle school. If she acts like these girls, she’ll be grounded for life. I’ll tie her up in the cellar. Not really, but it’s a good thought. Maybe she will skip that stage….

I watch as one of the three girls struts past a teenage boy, her back arched and her hips swaying. He just glances at her and turns to his girlfriend, who is shopping for a new wardrobe. The girls are huddled as if they were on a football team. Whispering loudly. Kind of hiding behind a sale rack of skinny jeans. Probably their size, because I have a hard time believing anyone that has gone through puberty can fit in to a size zero.

They giggled and laughed again and went after their next victims. These two men, (I assume they are men because they have a full set of facial hair and an un-godly amount of cologne on) seem to have the same strut the girls were just practicing, minus the hip sway. Their muscles bulge out of their too small Old Navy tee’s. I am pretty sure I saw one of these guys here earlier with a pack of kids and a woman that I assumed was his wife.

The men notice the girls. “You girls wanna go have a good time?”

“Sure!” they giggle immaturely.

One of the girls seem stand-offish. She is smiling, probably to keep the other’s happy. Her facial expressions and the way she is clutching on to her purse, makes me think she is super, nervous. She doesn’t say much.
After they decide they are leaving she doesn’t budge.

“I’m not going. I gotta get home.”

She whispered into her friends ear. All she got back, was a death stare, and rolling of the eyes. The other’s try and coax her to come, with some peer pressure, but she doesn’t buy in to it. She is left standing in J.C Penney, alone. One of the men winks at her as he exits with the others. She looks like a deer in headlights. She begins to well up. As I walk over, I am glad to see her parents have taught her some type of morals. She didn’t give in, and didn’t go off with her friends with total strangers. They could be child molesters for Christ sakes.

As I walked towards her, she started walking to the nearest exit. She pulled out her cell phone and called someone. Most likely her mother, because after the story was told, she yelled that she was not going to call her friends parents. I left it at that.
 

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Week 6

I instantly became stuffy and I couldn’t breath. It was so hot, yet not muggy at all. I had left Maine eight hours ago and it was 39 degrees. Here it had to be at least 90. I was right; 96 degrees. I had never been this far from home, and the only reason I agreed to come to here, was because I got to miss a week of school. Oh, how I hated high school, so anything to get away from that place would be a vacation.
I was expecting to see deserts and cactuses for miles, which I did see on the way to the house. I found it kind of odd, that in the middle of the interstate there was a large, sign that read, “Do not pick up hitchhikers, ARIZONA STATE PRISON ahead. I had never seen anything like it and it struck me as funny. After that, I fell asleep…the layovers at the airports had did me in.
When I awoke, we had finally reached our destination. My Uncle and Aunts house was a small, three bedroom, one and a half bath, ranch. A lot smaller than the home I had grown up in. For seven days my Dad and I had to share a bathroom with five other people. I also had to share a room with my nine year old cousin. So whenever I got the chance, I explored the outdoors. Of course the children followed, but it’s easier to entertain when your not packed in somewhere like a can of sardines. The fenced-in yard wasn’t very large, but it did have a five foot swimming pool, and a tiny carport-like-garage. Which held a couple four wheelers. Here, they call them quads. I never asked while I was there, but I always wondered why anyone in Arizona would want a fire pit. We never used it the whole time I was there, but that’s probably because we enjoyed site-seeing too much.
Day two, we went to the Grand Canyon. I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of spending the day looking at a big crater, but I put on a smile for my Dad. It didn’t take long for my grin to become real, in between my shivers. It was cold, yet spectacular. One of the most amazing things I had ever seen in my life. We had stayed till sundown, so it was even more beautiful as the sun was setting. The cliffs and valleys are unexplainable. The mule riders and hikers were barely distinguishable, because the canyon was so huge. The Bald Eagle soaring back and fourth, also wasn’t a clear picture until the photographs were developed. The pictures are gorgeous, but do no justice. They don’t even come close to mimicking the beauty of the rocks, valleys, cliffs, or the way time stands still. At that moment there is no worry in the world.
Another day we had decided to go see some Indian ruins. We saw their mud-walled houses and pueblos. Their cliff dwellings were so neatly constructed and beautiful.
We learned how they survived in the dry, desert heat. How they ate, drank, and got to see some of the most astonishing, intricate, pottery. They made almost everything they used in every day life. It was so neat, yet, no one had an answer as to why the Indians had left the village and disappeared.
My baby nieces first birthday was the next day. We just relaxed all day. We watched her smash her own personal, Elmo cake in her face and open mounds and mounds of presents. We played outside with the children, and enjoyed the nice sunny day. We took turns giving the kids a ride on the quads. I wasn’t used to the weather, so I was sunburned and ill feeling. I am pretty sure the next day, I hung out in my p.j’s all day, drank tons of water, used a whole bottle of aloe and slept a lot.
The Phoenix zoo, excessively large shopping malls, and rides through the desert were on the agenda for the rest of our vacation. It was one of the most memorable vacations I have ever had. Being with my Dad, on a vacation, to visit family, and experience new things; it couldn’t have gone better. Needless to say, I didn’t want to go home, but once I did, I had tons of stories to share, pictures to print, and a dark tan to show off.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Theme week 5

Of course I locked the doors as soon as Justin got out. It’s wasn’t very often that I escaped from my own hometown, so the thought of New York made me cringe. Police men drop like flies out here. I can only imagine how many people get injured or die from the violence. Knowing my luck, out of all of the people here, I would be the one getting mugged or shot at. I am not used to change or trying new things, so this scared me a little. Maine is my safe haven, but I guess Lake George shouldn’t have worried me that bad.
It seemed like an eternity by myself, but he finally came gallivanting out the front door of the Mobile station. I could tell he had something to say. He had the biggest grin on his face. He tried the handle. Oops, I had locked it. I pushed the unlock button….I had to giggle, he looked silly; a 6’3 inch man squishing into a tiny Toyota Scion. It reminded me of Vienna Sausages all mashed in a can. They almost don’t fit.

Justin handed me my Diet coke and two tiny papers.

“What the hell are these?”

“I bought tickets to the rodeo!”

“You bought tickets to the what?!”

“The rodeo.”

“What the fuck did you buy tickets to the rodeo for? We are only here for two more days and you bought tickets to the rodeo? I was thinking more along the lines of Six Flags, the wax museum or skydiving. Not the rodeo. You’re an idiot!”

“No refunds,” he said.

What the fuck? Now I am being forced to go to the rodeo. This was OUR mini vacation. Weren’t WE supposed to decided what to do? What the hell? Why would anyone want to pay money to go see bulls shit all over an arena? Or a handful of hicks get thrown to the ground like a rag doll? Never mind that, who would be dumb enough to do it? And he said, no refunds with the biggest fricken smirk on his face. Sometimes I hate his stupid dimples. Gggrrr He said it like he knew before he had even purchased the tickets, that I would never, in this lifetime, ever, agree to go!

We had made it to the entrance. The combination of the dirt roads and being angry had made my stomach feel a little uneasy. We paid to park and headed on in. We were probably the only out of stater at this fricken place. Who in the hell would come here on vacation? I was still fuming, but when Justin offered me a cup of beer, I cheered up a little. I am not an alcoholic, but never get a chance to drink. I don’t drink in front of my son, so it’s uncommon to be able to enjoy an ice cold Bud Light, so I jump at the chance. The clear plastic cups reminded me of my old high school days of bonfires and keg parties. This made me smile a little too. We squirmed through crowds of people, as I protected my beer with my life, at this time I wanted every savory, luscious bit I could get so I could make it through this god forsaken…thiiing.
The majority of the people were dressed for the occasion. Even the children were sporting the attire. We must have looked like the odd ducks. I don’t even own cowboy boots, hats or flannel shirts. I would never pay a dime for any of it either. Speaking of shopping, oh how I would love to be….


“It’s starting, Ginger!”

I mumbled under my breath. I hadn’t really spoken to him since our escapade in the car, and wasn’t really planning too either. I downed my beer, as we made our way down the metal bleachers and found a seat. This place was kind of large, for pretty much being in the middle of nowhere, and most of the showground was packed,

They had announced over the loud speaker for all children that would like to play a game to head out in the center. They did. What in the world are they doing? Taking off their shoes. Ewwwe! I would NEVER let my child do that. They workers just finished hosing it down. What if they step in crap or get black with mud?
They lined all of the children up, took all their shoes and brought them down to the other end of the stadium and threw them in a pile. They had to run down, find their shoes as fast as they could, put them on and run back. The first one to the finish line won. One child lagged behind because he was so tiny, he almost looked like he was too young to even be walking. Another one had a hard time putting his shoes on, and another fell flat on his face. The crowd roared with laughter. He was mud from head to toe. His big blue eyes were the only indication that has was actually a child. It was really cute watching them scramble in all different directions. They handed out a few trophies to the kids, and started getting the men and women ready for the “real” show.

By this time I needed another beer. Justin had gotten up to buy another plastic cup full for himself and me. Oh my god! He is fricken gorgeous. Can you say ripped? I bet he has a 12 pack under there? Maybe a even more…Why didn’t I want to come here? Such good eye candy! What was I expecting? Puny, little, dorks couldn’t ride, they wouldn’t have enough muscle to hang on.
I quit daydreaming. Justin had made his way back down the bleachers. He sat beside me. I watched the cowboys get bucked off their bulls, after only a few seconds. One had gotten his spur stuck and was being dragged around the arena. It seemed like a long time to me, it must have seemed like an eternity to him. The workers tried, and tried to get the bull to stop, or slow down. He bucked. He ran. He twisted and spun. They tried to grab the cowboy, with no avail. They were chaotically running around with red flags. The men had to just let the spur come loose on it’s own. This had made the show interesting to me. Although I felt sorry for the man, considering he exited like a 90 year old man to the open stall door.

I was on the edge of my seat, by this time. I loved the excitement and the different shows they had for us. There were rodeo clowns, a girls run, bareback bull riding, children’s cow riding, roping, and barrel racing contests. We all cheered on the professional cowboys from throughout the country as they competed. At the end of the night all of the cowboys, and cowgirls lamely walked out into the arena and was awarded their trophies. I will never forget the look on the little girls face that had won the children’s division for cow riding. She was seven years old, probably the youngest in the whole show. She had held on the longest of anyone in ALL of the contests. She proud and grinning from ear to ear and she waved to her parents. I am not really sure who in the hell would let their young child compete in a dangerous sport like this, but you could tell her parents and herself were pleased, as I would be too.

Justin nudged me in the ribs. “You LOVED it!”

“Yes, I’m sorry and thank you. I had an awesome time! Can we come back next year?”

“Hahaha, I knew you would, that’s why I didn’t ask you ahead of time, because I knew you would have said no.”

Justin had won this battle. He had gotten me to like something other than shopping, snowsledding and photos. I went out of my realm and had one of the most memorable experiences of my adult life. Something we still talk about, to this day.